Willingness to make amends is crucial for carrying out Step 9 effectively and initiating the reconciliation process. Accepting outcomes and working towards rebuilding relationships fosters closure and forward movement in recovery. It’s not one we use too frequently in our everyday language, but it still holds significant meaning. To make amends means to apologize for something you have done or for wronging someone in some way. It means mending, or (quite literally) fixing, the relationship.
For example, if we hurt people with our lying and we cannot make amends without further injuring them, we would make living amends by making a decision to behave and communicate with complete honesty. Part of my living amends is also being the friend my friends deserve and the employee my employers hired in good faith. Living amends touches deep parts of our lives and souls if we allow them.
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There are situations where making an amend might cause more harm than good. Assess https://ad-smart.org/countdown-to-closure-okx-to-cease-crypto-services-in-nigeria-by-august whether making amends might cause additional harm to the other person involved. For example, contacting someone you’ve harmed may exacerbate their distress, especially in severe cases like drunk driving. An amends letter can be a powerful way to communicate intentions when direct communication is not possible. Begin with a sincere apology, being specific about the wrongs committed instead of making vague statements of guilt. This specificity strengthens the impact of your amends letter and shows that you have thoroughly reflected on your actions.
Amends Versus Apologies
One of her children is killed crossing the street on their own even after telling their mother that they were afraid to cross the busy street alone. A living amend might include a posthumous promise to the deceased child to, from now on, make it a point to walk their surviving siblings to the bus stop each day. When making amends to someone in active addiction, safeguard your own health and recovery. This might mean delaying the amends or finding alternative ways to demonstrate your commitment to change without putting yourself at risk. The goal is to maintain your recovery while striving to make things right. Join our supportive sober community where each day becomes a step towards personal growth and lasting positive change.
Living amends look different for everyone, depending on the specific negative behavior patterns you have identified while working the 12 Steps. Determining the most impactful living amends will require a great deal of honesty. A qualified behavioral therapist can help you identify the areas of your life that need attention. We can also make amends by living very purposefully within the bounds of our principles.
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Through guidance, education and therapy, FHE Health can help a person begin to rebuild their relationships with self and others. Our team will work closely with you throughout this process to help you achieve your goals in recovery. Direct, face-to-face amends are encouraged to facilitate genuine healing. For example, if you once stole from a coworker, you could apologize and offer repayment.
- Continued participation in therapy and support meetings is essential for managing the challenges that arise during the amends process.
- We cannot control how others respond, whether they will forgive or whether they will hold on to negative feelings or resentments.
- Your sponsor will help guide you through each specific situation.
- When appropriate, remind others that you are here if they change their mind or wish to talk.
- Understanding the harm you caused the people in your life is critical for reflecting on your addiction.
Apologizing in this way may open the door to continued healing, growth, and restored relationships in recovery. If you promised your father to help him mow the lawn on Sundays, but years have passed, and you’ve never once shown up, start now. If you promised your son or daughter to be there to see them off to college, clean yourself up and show up. You don’t have to be the best son or daughter, and you don’t need https://abercrombieadeutschland1912.info/practical-and-helpful-tips-5 to be an ideal parent, but you need to show up when you make promises to do so. If you’re untrustworthy and unreliable, come to terms with those characteristics of yours.
What If My Attempt to Make Things Right Goes Wrong and Things Get Worse?
If you’re at this step or planning to follow a 12-step treatment program, congratulations—you’re on the right path of your recovery journey! This article explains what you need to know about making amends, with examples to help guide you. Maybe it is a fight you always thought you had time to resolve. Perhaps it is something you said or did while they were ill. Now, whether it is an apology, a want for forgiveness, or an amends, that person isn’t here and it makes it hard to imagine any of those things are possible. When someone is alive and you’ve hurt them, amends are more straightforward.
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Working the steps has likely made you a less selfish and self-centered individual. An apology is just a verbal acknowledgment of wrongdoing, whereas an amend means actively repairing relationships and showing dedication to change. Taking action is what truly counts in the journey of recovery. Confidential helplines, like SAMHSA’s National Helpline, offer support and referrals for those navigating addiction recovery. Continued participation in therapy and support meetings is essential for managing the challenges that arise during the amends process. These support systems ensure that individuals have the guidance and encouragement needed to navigate this challenging but rewarding aspect of recovery.
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Resolve to work at making things better between you and keeping your promises. Give each other space to figure out any new roles within your relationship and take things slowly. Don’t expect immediate forgiveness, and also, don’t pressure yourself to fix every broken relationship immediately. In cases involving abuse, whether emotional, physical, or sexual, reaching out to apologize can be harmful and counterproductive. To learn more about addiction recovery, including AA, reach out to Silver Mist Recovery. When my husband misses a turn because he’s in the wrong lane, I say nothing.
Firstly, it allows the person in recovery to separate themselves from the disease of addiction, recognizing that their past actions were not a reflection of their actual values and character. Preparing for amends involves deep reflection on past actions and considering the intent behind them. Make sure you have a thorough 8th step amends list of people you have harmed and became willing to make amends to, which comes off of your 4th step inventory. Consult with your sponsor or a trusted person in your recovery community to find the best approach for making amends. This step ensures that you are grounded and clear about your intentions and the potential impact of your actions.
It is about what we do despite that wrongdoing, “abandoning our right to resentment . . . “. Making amends does not undoing the wrongdoing, just as forgiveness doesn’t undo the wrongdoing. Instead, it is an action we take to compensate for what we have done.
As recovering addicts, we fear the loss of control we experienced in our darkest days. This step is accompanied by the terrible realization that we have no control over the response of the people we have harmed. We will likely have wonderful experiences and very difficult ones.